Anti-Regret

Peter Conlon from Unsplash

A friend sent me a poem the other day that stopped me in my tracks, and that is simply too powerful, too important not to share.

You Start Dying Slowly, by Pablo Neruda

You start dying slowly;
if you do not travel,
if you do not read,
If you do not listen to the sounds of life,
If you do not appreciate yourself.
You start dying slowly:

When you kill your self-esteem,
When you do not let others help you.
You start dying slowly;

If you become a slave of your habits,
Walking everyday on the same paths…
If you do not change your routine,
If you do not wear different colours
Or you do not speak to those you don’t know.
You start dying slowly:

If you avoid to feel passion
And their turbulent emotions;
Those which make your eyes glisten
And your heart beat fast.
You start dying slowly:

If you do not risk what is safe for the uncertain,
If you do not go after a dream,
If you do not allow yourself,
At least once in your lifetime,
To run away from sensible advice …

You can stop reading here and go out and chase your dream or run away from sensible advice. Send me a postcard and let me know where you end up. :-)

If you’re still with me…. this seems like a recipe for anti-regret.

I’m sure you’ve heard at least some version of “you regret the things you didn’t do.” I appreciate that sentiment and advice, though it has felt rather tepid to me. I prefer Neruda’s stark message that, by avoiding risks and moments where courage is called for, you are starting to die.

I haven’t found a good synonym for anti-regret. Pro-risk is not quite it. Maybe applied courage? Though it has to be in service of something meaningful, rewarding, even delightful. And there’s certainly an element of uncertainty involved; a specific desired outcome is not guaranteed. I guess adventure comes pretty close.

And now that I think of it, that’s why I love coaching adventurous souls, those who are willing to take chances in pursuit of greater rewards, foregoing the more prescribed and predictable path for ventures into the unknown and often uncomfortable. No guaranteed outcomes! But the upside possibilities far outweigh the fear factor.

So if Neruda’s poem resonates with you at all, I urge you to bring a little (or a lot of) anti-regret attitude in your life. Avoid the path of slow dying. As another of my all-time favorite quotes exhorts (this one from Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451), 'Stuff your eyes with wonder … live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. Ask no guarantees, ask for no security, there never was such an animal.”

I’m off to see the world … well, at least a corner of it that I’ve longed to see for ages. I’m heading to South Africa for a couple of weeks of stuffing my eyes with wonder, which will entail little eye contact with personal devices. I’ll check in on occasion to make sure the world isn’t completely falling apart in my absence. And then I have the joy and privilege of hosting Sidecar Summit Rwanda, about which I couldn’t be more excited. Tales to come.

Meanwhile, a few opportunities for practicing anti-regret:

1)      The Adventurous Woman’s Guide to Negotiating a Leadership Job Offer, affectionately known as Nego-SHE-ate!, has finally been released on Sidecar-U. I’m offering a special, limited-time-only price for anti-regretters: $95 for those purchasing the course by April 1, 2024. That’s a full $100 off the regular price. To sweeten the deal, if you purchase and take the course by April 1, you’ll get a 30-minute personalized coaching session with me to go over your top negotiation questions. To take advantage of this great deal, use coupon code ANTI-REGRET at checkout. (P.S. I’ve even got a freebie ‘teaser’ that has useful nuggets for self-advocacy that only involve asking questions. Questions are an important tool in any anti-regretter’s tool box!)

 2)    Sidecar Summit Vietnam – It’s been rescheduled! So you don’t need to regret missing it. I listened to feedback on the challenges of its original timing and have now rescheduled it for September 12-15. Same location; one less night; more attractive cost. Early bird (aka anti-regretter) registration is March 30, which saves your spot and $200. Only 14 spots remaining. Snag yours now to avoid regret!

3)    A *NEW* Offering: Sidecar Basecamp. What’s the anti- to a summit? A basecamp, of course! This summer I’m hosting a loosely-organized, ­choose-your-own-adventure gathering in Montana for anyone who has a personal summit to which they are aspiring – a professional challenge, a new leadership role, a career or life change, a passion project, a physical goal (actual summit), a new attitude or approach to life (anti-regret, anyone?). We’ll have a ‘camp headquarters’ at the historic Pollard Hotel in downtown Red Lodge, with plenty of post-it notes, colorful pens, big sheets of white paper, creative-juices-inducing prompts, and trailmix. We’ll have sections for quiet reflection and active brainstorming. We’ll have guidance on outdoor adventure opportunities, and opt-in reservations at local eateries. And with these basecamp supports in place, who knows what adventures we might all get up to, what summits we’ll aspire to, what new big ideas we’ll hatch, what regrets we’ll avoid?

All for now. I hope you’ll all practice some anti-regretting in the coming week. Write and let me know what adventures that opens up for you.

Yours in avoiding a long, slow death,

Bridget