The Relief of Release

Letting aspirations go can be the release we need to keep going.

December generally tends to find me in a defiantly resigned sort of mood. The calendar stares at me like a mean girl (or maybe like Santa on a bad day), sizing me up, seeing my shortcomings, and challenging me with those judge-y eyes: What happened to those good intentions I’d set at the beginning of the year? Those initiatives I’d pledged to get off the ground, the new skills I’d set out to learn, the meaningful contributions I’d been meaning to make, the adventures I’d imagined, the additional $$ I’d vowed to add to my bank account?

Hah! scoffs the calendar. Time’s about up. Another year of missed potential.

So I wallow in a mucky mix of self-admonishment for my personal deficiencies and mild-to-spicy annoyance at elements beyond my control that waylaid my best-laid plans. I dwell here for a decent interval. Then I take stock of what actually took place during the year. This involves a process of going back through my calendar from January, reviewing to-do lists and communication exchanges and posts on LinkedIn and photos on my iPhone, checking my financial records… Reminding myself what I’d intended to accomplish. Reminding myself about things that came in sideways (some good, some tough) that threw me off course. Reminding myself of those goose-bumpy moments when I realized ‘this is why I do what I do.’

And then I get to the part where I remember why I came up with the metaphor of Sidecar. That I see life as an adventure, which invariably involves elements of excitement, the unknown, and risk. That while good intentions and calendars are important GPS tools in that adventure landscape, navigating that terrain goes beyond keen driving skills and GPS instruments. Adventurers travel in realms where even good driving skills can’t guarantee a smooth and predictable ride. Then I remind myself that I see my coaching clients as adventurous souls, facing those same elements. And that those goose-bumpy moments when I realize ‘this is why I do what I do’ are always related to being at their side when adventurous-soul clients do something brave that pays off.

And that’s when I get to the ‘release’ part. I release myself from the tensions of self-judgment, built up over many months of adventuring in unknown parts, and sidecar-ing to others doing the same. It’s one thing to be critical of yourself when you are basing your performance on standardized criteria and coming up short. When your main terrain is ‘off-road’ though – whether as an entrepreneur, a woman (or other non-cisgender white male) leader in an international school, a neurodivergent thinker, a creative, or any other being that doesn’t fit the standard mold - those same judgments just can’t apply.

Releasing oneself from societal judgments isn’t easy. After all, we adventurers are still creatures of society, reliant in many ways on society. Maybe we can soothe ourselves by spending time with other adventurers, who experience the bumpy, lonely and sometimes terrifying ride inherent in navigating the unknown, and yet who also taste the thrills of creating something from nothing, achieving daring goals, stumbling on new discoveries, and, frankly, surviving against the odds and continuing on that adventurous path the next day. That’s what Sidecar gatherings are about, whether monthly Rally virtual meetups (signups for the Spring season will start soon), Summit in person gatherings (the Egypt one has been released; stay tuned for another in the Spring), occasional salons (like the one planned for January 12 on ‘Loved Ones and Memory Loss’) and other opportunities to convene and shore one another up.

As I transition through this review period, I’m vowing to grant myself clemency for those goals not accomplished, skills not developed, projects not initiated, travels not taken, funds not stashed away. I will look at those as-yet-unrealized aspirations with appreciation, grant them their worthiness, and release them from accomplishment this calendar year, with the understanding that they may come back into my atmosphere if we are meant for one another.

And then I’ll release myself into full appreciation of the holiday season, with no more skirting the gazes of the mean girl/ bad Santa day calendar.

I wish the same for you.

Yours in throwing personal and societal expectations to the wind,

Bridget