Willy and the Pursuit of Happiness
Willy pursuing happiness (with my mother!)
Today marks 13 years since my dad’s death. I choose to acknowledge it joyfully. Because that’s the right way to honor my dad. One of the core values he embodied in his life was the pursuit of happiness.
I’ll call my dad ‘Willy,’ because that’s the nickname that best captures his essence. William is too stately. Bill is too blah. Willy evokes the spirit of lightheartedness and fun that I know he aspired to embody as much as possible. It’s what I called him in a spirit of fun when not referring to him as Dad.
To be clear, Willy was not always happy. He’d had his share of challenges throughout his life. At a tender age, he lost an older brother to suicide. He fought in the Korean War, with outward medals to show his valor and inner scars of what had not yet been recognized as PTSD. He had to curtail a promising political career when the reality of having 5 kids hit home, so buckled down on his practice of law (he had his own law firm; couldn’t work for a boss; I come by my boss-allergy honestly!). He wrestled with depression and anxiety throughout his life, a result of these issues and probably some DNA thrown in there. And who knows what role his microbiome played in all this, a topic I’m fascinated by these days!
Still, Willy felt that happiness was vital to be a fully manifest human. He was a spiritual philosopher at his core. I recall several of his oft-repeated quotes from favorite spiritual philosophers: “We have to choose joy. And keep choosing it.” (Henri Nouwen); “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.” (Julian of Norwich). And then there’s this from Hilaire Beloc, which he trotted out whenever I flinched about remaining Catholic: “Wherever the Catholic sun doth shine, There's always laughter and good red wine. At least I've always found it so. Benedicamus Domino!” (Did I mention he had a great sense of humor? Did I mention that the only relief I found in his death is that I would no longer disappoint him that I simply couldn’t remain Catholic, despite the good red wine?)
Willy worked hard. He expected hard work from his kids. The purpose of that hard work, though, was not (necessarily) money, or good grades, or spiritual credit, or a medal. For Willy, hard work was to get to a point where one could then enjoy the fruits of one’s labors. And he wasn’t one to postpone that enjoyment. He wasn’t a believer in putting lots of hard work into some sort of account that could accumulate over time and, at some point in the future, be drawn on, acknowledged, celebrated. He was a bit more grasshopper than ant in that regard. Every evening post-dinner was a time to say an appreciative decade of the rosary (with a penchant for the Joyful Mysteries). Friday afternoons were a time to acknowledge the end of the work/school week with packets of M&Ms all round. Birthdays, anniversaries, and other special (or not so special) life occasions were times for toasts, appreciations, laughter and – as we got older – red wine. Any time was a good time for singing, with a preference for goofy songs or those acknowledging the goodness in the world.
As I said, Willy was no stranger to suffering, sorrow or hard work. Despite this, or maybe because of this, he held the pursuit of happiness as fundamental to the daily practice of being human. It was defiance against a worldview that argued that hard work is its own reward, or that external validations of merit – money, medals, status - are the point of striving.
I try to honor Willy by following his example. Working hard. Pursuing happiness. Appreciating how good I’ve got it. Celebrating the little and big things. Laughing and enjoying red wine.
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Here’s a great opportunity to explore what the pursuit of happiness means for schools and school leaders: Sidecar Summit Portugal 2024.
At a moment in history when
good news is hard to find,
the mental and emotional health of young people is at an all-time low, and
enormous global challenges continue unabated and don’t stop at our school walls,
supporting the psychological well-being of students, faculty, and school leaders is more important than ever. Socrates and Confucius advocated that well-being and personal growth were a major purpose in life and essential in education. Aristotle warned that “educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.” We can and must do better for our students – and ourselves! – to realize the full potential of education, and, frankly, to stay positively charged so we can continue to navigate in turbulent times.
The Summit takes place at the happy-making Quinta Carvalhas, near Lisbon, from November 14-18.
Learn more and register here. Do so by June 15 to save your spot and $200. Spend that now-pocketed $200 on something that makes you happy.
Willy will be at the Summit in spirit. Laughter and red wine will be there in presence.
See you at the Summit!
Bridget
